Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
