hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
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