Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
