there was a trapeze. enough said
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
