I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Ketchup is God's man juice
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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