It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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