That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
