I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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