By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
