Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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