Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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