FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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