He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
