Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
