Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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