So drunk its hurt
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
