I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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