And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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