I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
