i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize