What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
