it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
