I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
