i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
