You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
