do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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