Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
