so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
