By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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