you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
