just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
