Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
