help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
