Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My bed smells like the plague
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