Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
