I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize