not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
