But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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