I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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