just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
