I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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