Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
