His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
