Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
