Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
