what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
