Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
