On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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