You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
