Ketchup is God's man juice
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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