His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
