apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize