Tell her she can't have a vagina
My Higher Power is John Stamos
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
