Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
