cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Randomize
