Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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