Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
