Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
