non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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