I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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