I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
