put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
