my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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