White coat. Heels.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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