My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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