Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
