Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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