What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
